I had originally planned two nights in this Vietnamese city known for its lanterns so I could fit in Nha Trang before. However, after speaking to numerous travelers who had just been to Hoi An and loved it, I decided to change my plans and nix Nha Trang so I could tack on those two additional nights to Hoi An.
Nighttime is when Hoi An comes to life and transforms into a haze of glowing, lantern-lit streets, but be prepared to elbow your way through the crowds down the main strips. The lanterns are what everyone wants to take pictures of, and although the stall owners are patient with tourists, after the thousandth person comes over for a picture, blocking actual buyers, they start pushing the endless iPhone selfie-takers away. I was secretly hoping they would start ripping selfie sticks out of people's hands and chase them down the street with them. Oops! Did I say that out loud?
I did some food researching for dinner, and based on an Anthony Bourdain review, I arrived at Bánh Mì Phượng. Ordering is mass chaos, so don’t bother queuing - just yell out what you want or you’ll be politely standing there hungry the rest of the night. I ordered a chicken sandwich, which was not part of the recommendation, and thus, I think was a no-no. It was not what I had hoped and dreamed of - failure on my part.
To curb my stomach growling, I proceeded to the Morning Glory restaurant and ordered the "Cao Lau" Noodles with Marinated Pork. Mmm … chunks of moist pork belly with noodles - oh, it was delicious and dinner was redeemed!
Besides lanterns, Hoi An is known for its tailor-made clothes. When walking the streets, you will pass endless tailors, storefront after storefront, all vying for a chance to make your dream wardrobe. I’m not exaggerating when I say that from the numerous travelers I met who had stopped in Hoi An, EVERY single one of those travelers left with custom-made clothes. I’m quite strict in my traveling about never purchasing souvenirs as I think they just take up space in my luggage and later in storage, never to see the light of day. That said, to get the full experience, I took the plunge to get something small made that I could squeeeeze into my luggage by sitting enough times on it. I was given many tailor recommendations but decided on BeBe based on TripAdvisor reviews. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to get (which I heard was a no-no before going inside), but the staff was friendly and let me borrow their iPad to search for ideas. After talking with the associate, I decided on a full-length black jumpsuit, and we worked through the fabric, customizations and measurements. Amazingly, they were going to have the first draft done in 24 hours and ready for a fitting the following day. One would think they had an army of magic sewing elves, but in reality, the amount of sewing professionals they have is large as that industry is one of the life bloods for Hoi An.
In continuing my Hoi An exploration while my jumpsuit was being knit together by elves, I stupidly decided to do a seven-hour bicycle ride with Heaven and Earth Bicycle Tours. Let me preface by saying that I enjoyed the tour and the company, and tour guides were great. The issue was that it was so bloody HOT outside. What the hell was I thinking going on a physically exerting bicycle tour in a heat index of 110 degrees Fahrenheit?! It was a beautifully sunny day, but if you saw me, you’d probably think it was raining because I was sweating so much. I’m terrible as it is at keeping hydrated but, I should have been drinking water by the gallon that day.
We biked next to the rolling green countryside, saw local mat making and tried our hands at basket boat driving. There was a local lady who must have been in her 70s, and she referred to herself as “Sexy Lady” or more like “Sexy Laaaaady,” and she tried to show us how to row the circular basket boats. It was hilarious and my favorite part of the bicycle experience. The tour did a good job of stopping for breaks, and by no means were we biking like mad men, although if we were maybe the beads of sweat running down me would have rolled off into the wind.
Another tour stop was a rice wine maker's home to see how rice wine was made and do some tastings. Soooo, this was not like wine tasting as the Western culture knows it. This is more like moonshine tasting for those Americans familiar with that backyard, unpleasant but strong-as-hell drink. It reminded me of the shots of Everclear we used to do at university (oh, I mean legally at the age of 21 and in a properly mixed drink of course). The rice wine smelled like rubbing alcohol with a burning sensation going down. Mot, Hai, Ba, Yo! No offense to the rice wine, but I think I’ll stick with wine made from grapes.
Once rid of the bike, I walked another 30 minutes in the afternoon Hoi An desert back to the hotel to take the longest shower of my trip and chugged the last of my Advil for the increasing pounding in my head. Klaudius, my pal traveler I had met on my Saigon foodie tour, was coming into Hoi An, so we met up for lantern releasing in the river and dinner. The hotel staff had mentioned to me what the lantern rates should be, as inevitably we would be quoted higher. When we got down to the river, the boat drivers were quoting 100K dong, and we offered 60K. After the walkaway attempt, the boat drivers came back with 80K, we said deal, and off we went into the boat with our lanterns - our wishes to release in the water.
During dinner I started to go downhill and quickly began feeling ill. I had to wrap up dinner with apologies and head back to the hotel. I spent the next day in bed, nauseated with a fever from my crazy biking heat exhaustion. I only got out of bed twice to complete my fittings. I thought I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to get that custom jumpsuit finished after coming all this way! The hotel staff seemed a bit worried - one of them took a look at me and asked if I was feeling alright as I “didn’t look very good.” I didn’t have the energy to outwardly chuckle but I said, "Yes, thank you, you are correct - I don’t look good, and I don’t feel well. I need a taxi to go to a fitting … and then a pharmacy. I need painkillers, badly."
